i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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