The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize