will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
