i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
time to smoke my breakfast
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
