Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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