so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
