so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
