so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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