Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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