It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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