i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
