so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
