you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I wear drunk well.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
