Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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