I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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