i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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