He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
