There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize