So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
