Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
