Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
