im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
