looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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