Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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