Just cropdusted the office
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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