The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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