What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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