I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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