He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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