sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
