Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize