My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
