i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
