its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
tonight lets celebrate not being married
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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