There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
