dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize