So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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