I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
