I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
