So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
