I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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