I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
