You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
