Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize