ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
