i was born a porn star she said
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
whose ass print is on the piano?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
