if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
