Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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