quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
