Buhtt sex?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
