One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
