apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it glows. i had to have it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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