I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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