sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
