After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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