Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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