he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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