you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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