Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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