I think I am morally bankrupt
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
