A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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