I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
