You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize