I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
