Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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